Nothing at all

The puppeteer is moving the strings, are you bending to his will? Do you seek a way out? Looking into the void, lost of all devotion for life. How long until you lose your mind? how long until you see nothing but the bright lights of an empty stage?

I see you in your beautyful crystal cage, with death in your smile. Where are you now, I wonder?

You might think this small paragraph is a bit strange but I don't care. This words don't mean anything to anyone. Why would you care what I scream into the air?. Like the mist this words will fade away into oblivion. No reason to remember them. No reason to write them down in a pice of paper and put in the black hole of your wallet. No need for all of that. This words are here just for you to read, process and erase. Nothing more. If you liked them, great. If not it's ok too. Doesn't matter. Just wanted to say something to noone.

Where is my pack now? Where did the song go? You promised. Where are you now that everything is falling apart?

White

In the moments of greater desperation comes our greater strenght. Fear becomes an ally. When time slows down and our sences die, we find hope in the darkest place and we find the way back up to the world. We are the ones that survived, we are the ones that fight. We are the ones that see the horror to feed on it, and make the choices that have to be made. We stop just to take a breath and we carry on. We choose not drown in disppair, we choose to be heroes. Like a phoenix we rise from the ashes.We seek the truth hidden in the lies of the world. We trust in nothing but ourselves. I wonder about the future and I imagine nothing but a white screen.

Gone

You disappeared. In a big cloud of grey smoke, you disappeared. I saw you leave. Now I wonder if you are lost?. If you are fine. Did you find the place you so desperately seek? How come you didn't came back and why is it that I still wait and hope to see your face. So many have said their good-byes. So many have left this Godforsaken place. So many wave their hands with a sad smile on their faces. So many now...... but I am still here. I remember what T once said..... he said "everyone I love, leave me...." Could it be so? Are we all leaving? I feel so helpless, useless, blind. Everyday I wait for a call, a message, a note, a voice that proves me wrong. The smoke is long gone and you with it.

Where Were You

Me siento frente a esta pequeña ventana, soñando. Con mis ojos abiertos y atentos entiendo donde fue que perdi la fe. Por razones equivocadas huí y culpe a inocentes de un crimen que yo misma cometi. Odié a quienes no debia odiar. Pense que si estaba en constante movimiento tal vez lograria engañar al destino y escapar. Que equivocada estaba. Hoy recuerdo porque escribi en este lugar por primera vez. Intento recrear lo que alguna vez logre plasmar en el espacio. Recuerdo a mis angeles de sonrisa eterna, pero sus rostros han cambiado, ya no son claros. Son pequeñas manchas bajo un manto gris. Los ojos rojos ya no brillan. Las estrellas se han apagado, la luna ha dejado de escuchar la cancion del lobo. La rosa negra ha desaparecido. Ya no hay alegria. Ha terminado la funcion. Los actores han desaparecido bajo las luces de una ciudad enterrada. Tal vez olvidada.

Dead End

How much lower can we fall. We became addicted to pain and tears. Torment became our daily nourishment and still we seek for even more sorrow and sadness. The night is now my only companion and the solitude my guide. No one listens to the wind anymore. We are dead, hollow. I feel betrayed by life, by my family, by my friends. I try to go along with the stream, but I can't handle people. I can't stand anything anymore. The black hole that used to be in my chest has now spread. It's everywhere, inches away from consuming me completely. The hate is growing stronger by the second. I hate you for being a coward, I hate you for being weak but most of all, I hate what you have become. The question you never asked, has an answer. You know the truth now. You are living in a Dead End.

Walking the edge..

I have started this entry 10 times and I still can't put into words this pressure in my chest.

Ghost from the past had reappeared, stronger than before. They hunt my dreams, my days, my nights. Everywhere I look there is a reminder of the shallow, empty person I became. I can no longer look out the window without my shadow getting in the way.

I have become everything I hate. Everything I swore no to be. I try to take the Red out but I'm a coward. I can't accept the dawn. I am afraid that everything I have imagine might be true. So I walk the edge of these two worlds. The one I created for protection and the one lurking outside, waiting to take me.

Desperta

En la hora mas oscura del alma, donde el deseo u la razón no se logran entender y los corazones sufren entre una nube de desencanto y desazociego, en esa hora maldita, te busco, te extraño, te sigo y te pido consuelo. Donde están las respuestas a lo correcto ¿he de seguir el deseo o la razón?
La mente caduca y el deseo de rendirce se hace presente. Allí donde las mariposas volaban ya no queda nada.

Little heart

I hate to be the witness of your pain, I hate to see the tears running down your face, to know that nothing I say or do can make you feel better right now. I know what you feel, the deseption of knowing there is no ambar eye angel to save us from this solitude. We are mortal after all and nothing more. I can't force you to talk, I can't. When you are ready I'll be here for you to hear all of it. To say what you need to hear, but only when you are ready.
Don't think to much about it, don't let you head and your heart loose their tracks. You can't loose yourself. Go on little one. We are here for you.

Chaos of Dreams

I start again. A brand new start.
Some old wounds are open once more, again I dream the impossible. Again I call into the night. Those dreams, those dreadful dreams, that leave an aching in my blood, a pain so immense, it's impossible to describe.
Sometimes, the days are unbereable, and when the night comes, then the dreams come and the madness begins, leaving a print, a trace of insanity in my head.
Loneliness, has become my only companion, it is a paradox, really, but at the end it is all I have.
It's not all bad, but those dreams, those bloody dreams, that I simply can't get out of my head.
I still find beauty in the world, I still laugh, I mean true laughing, I still love, I still feel alive. But the moments pass and the shadows are not giving way to light.

I used to think that in the beggining, we could find the end, now, I'm not so sure. Could it be so, that the past decides the future and so the present doesn't really count, until it is passed, and is no longer present. Can you see how ephemeral a moment really is, and how it does and doesn't matter at the same time.
And if it so, life would be no longer life, it would be a recollection of past moments combined to creat a future without a present.

But the dreams, they just don't disappear, the are taking the life right out of me. I no longer see things clearly. Is mad. It's distressing, it's exhausting. It's killing me. The realm of dreaming overwhelming and can destroy you.