Chaos of Dreams

I start again. A brand new start.
Some old wounds are open once more, again I dream the impossible. Again I call into the night. Those dreams, those dreadful dreams, that leave an aching in my blood, a pain so immense, it's impossible to describe.
Sometimes, the days are unbereable, and when the night comes, then the dreams come and the madness begins, leaving a print, a trace of insanity in my head.
Loneliness, has become my only companion, it is a paradox, really, but at the end it is all I have.
It's not all bad, but those dreams, those bloody dreams, that I simply can't get out of my head.
I still find beauty in the world, I still laugh, I mean true laughing, I still love, I still feel alive. But the moments pass and the shadows are not giving way to light.

I used to think that in the beggining, we could find the end, now, I'm not so sure. Could it be so, that the past decides the future and so the present doesn't really count, until it is passed, and is no longer present. Can you see how ephemeral a moment really is, and how it does and doesn't matter at the same time.
And if it so, life would be no longer life, it would be a recollection of past moments combined to creat a future without a present.

But the dreams, they just don't disappear, the are taking the life right out of me. I no longer see things clearly. Is mad. It's distressing, it's exhausting. It's killing me. The realm of dreaming overwhelming and can destroy you.